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WaCkY RiPpEr ThEoRiEs Got a theory that Jack was a renegade ninja or an alien merely gathering human DNA? Share it with us, but only in this forum.

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Old October 15th, 2010, 03:43 PM   #1
admin tim
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Old October 15th, 2010, 03:52 PM   #2
Mike Covell
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Florence Nightingale did it.
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Old October 15th, 2010, 04:00 PM   #3
Robert Linford
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I think we are looking for a violent man, capable of murder.
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Old October 15th, 2010, 04:14 PM   #4
Mike Covell
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Florence was a member of the Cobden club with Walter Sickert's wife, case closed.
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Old October 15th, 2010, 05:26 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Linford View Post
I think we are looking for a violent man, capable of murder.
Agreed. Let's flesh it out, though. We are looking for a violent man, capable of murder, who is now dead. He had DNA.
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Old October 15th, 2010, 07:39 PM   #6
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"Local man. Didn't like prostitutes very much."
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Old October 15th, 2010, 08:12 PM   #7
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Human being, knew how to hold a knife, not a very happy person in general, thought day job boring, missed biology lessons at school, likes meeting non-Whitchapelean born people, played hide and seek a lot as a child, anti-social graffiti artist, litterbug, poor house cleaner, shy, and preferred to remain anonymous using a stage name. Arresting character, alluring, had the gift of the gab, sense of self importance, boastful, and finally, liked the warmth of the colour red.

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Old October 15th, 2010, 09:29 PM   #8
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I've kept this a secret for a long time; not to be prudish and all, you know... but I know who Jack the Ripper was. Who?... you ask with baited breath. Well, I'm not supposed to reveal anything really because I've been working on this connection with another 'expert' in the field... Bubba Barkley.

Now Bubba runs 'Big Bubba's Beer, Bait, Barbeque and Browning Rifles Emporeum" down on the Forky Deer River here. His real name is Barthalomew, but the only person that has the nerve to call him that is his mother. Now, he may seem a little slow to some but he's actually a deep thinker and criminology has always been his special hobby. What got us together - besides his cold beer, the best shad guts you ever put on a trotline, whole hog barbeque and fine A-Bolt rifles with a target range out back - was the fact that he used to read 'True Detective' magazines when he was a kid because they were the only ones around these parts that had girlie pictures in them.

One day, while bellied up to his bar I told him about my interest in the Ripper. Low and behold he told me he had seen that show on TV where Spock had talked about some of them high fallooten people from over in England being involved in that case and it had sparked his interest too. He even sent off for the 'Ultimately Complete Illustrated Jack the Ripper Sourcebook Encyclopedia H-M (it was the abridged version). We were thumbing through it one day when business was slow and came to a name that caught our eyes on the next to last page. After about ten minutes of exhausted research we found our 'fiend'. It just all came together.

Now, are you ready for the big disclosure that is going to shock the Ripperworld and even turn Tom Wescott into a meek little lamb?

It was Mary the Hairdresser. He was the Whitechapel fiend. That's right, Mary was a he; that's enough right there to put him on a suspect list, but there's more. He was a contemporary suspect and the police were frantically looking for him at the height of the murders. Nevermind all that crap from the Bremen police saying that they had him locked up. That was all a smokescreen perpetrated by those nasty Huns to keep the British in turmoil. They started World War 1 just twenty-six years later didn't they? Need I say more.

Also, Mary was a known 'woman hater'. He got caught pinching women's nipples on several occasions... I'll tell you... the evidence just keeps piling up... and don't think being 'light in the loafers' doesn't have its advantages. He could slip around Whitchapel better than Leather Apron and probably pass as a woman when he had too. Those London police never had a chance.

Being a hairdresser means he was probably a barber surgeon as well... there's the anatomical knowledge right there Mr. Baxter. Bet he could clip the mole right off of Marie Antoinette's face with a straight razor. Move over Chapman, you ain't got nothin' on this boy.

He had to dress somewhat respectable too... kinda 'shabby genteel' I figure. And, he was a foreigner... had to be since they knew about him in Bremen. And, if he came over on a boat, he might have dressed like a sailor from time to time. I mean this guy's it... cased closed folks. Turn out the lights. The party's over!

I'd give you more details but that will come out in our book. You'll just have to wait. We've already got a title -"Bloody Mary and the Autumn of Terror"... catchy ain't it.

Bubba and I also thought that - instead of putting all those dull inquest reports in the back - we'd add a section on popular hairstyles and the proper use of makeup. That'd get the women folks to buy it too. Kinda like putting a love scene in a war movie.

LeGrande?... hell with the roughguy. Forget it Wescott, a new kid's on the block.
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Old October 15th, 2010, 09:53 PM   #9
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The Ripper had two hands,a hiney and a heartbeat....plus a hat...no self respecting man would be without a hat in 1888.
I hope that helps.
Oh yeah, he had a knife...except in Berner Street.
A boot scraper done done that one.
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Old October 21st, 2010, 02:26 PM   #10
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What are you guys on?

The only theory in town is that there was a conspiracy among the so-called 'victims' to make men look bad, and one in particular, to remain nameless forever, but with a thousand names thrust upon him, to look very naughty indeed.

It was all too easy. Polly, Annie and Kate knew they were well overdue a visit from the Grim Reaper, who would soon be declaring them coffin dodgers and let them slip away from old age. Liz was close, but better preserved, so she generously threw herself on the boot scraper to save the forgetful old Reaper having to be in two places at once to oversee nature taking its course. Mary was a different kettle of fish - or kettle of hot water to be precise. The Reaper wanted nothing to do with this one, so she made it look like the naughty 'man' had hunted her down as game. She managed to poach herself but got into a pickle with the carving.

No such thing as a Jack the Ripper - all just a naughty old myth.

So sleep well boys and don't have nightmares.

Love,

Caz
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